Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
