i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize