grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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