my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I want to be your penis for a week.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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