Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
