You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
