I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
