Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
