i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
