I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
we're so committed to being not committed
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
