You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
