i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
