My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize