this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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