You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
