im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
