I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
