i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
