I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
