I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize