She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
