Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
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Do I have a choice?
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after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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