He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
