I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
