"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
