Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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