you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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