Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
