why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
