what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i now understand why vodka
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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