i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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