YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
honey bunches of taint.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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