I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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