I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
