So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
