I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
