is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
