I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
