I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
