On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
