I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
