If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
