The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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