I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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