So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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