he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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