4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
the raccoons are back...
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