It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
