I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
