I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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