ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
