I intend to get homeless drunk
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
