OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
