I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
