hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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