Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
