Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
