party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
