dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
