i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
