You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
