I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
