She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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