Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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