i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
