I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
