I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Randomize
