I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
