Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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