i just wanna soil my oats bro
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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