On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
