I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize