remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
