She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize