I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize