i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Jerry, you need to find god
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
