Me too!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
