Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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